How Can You So Easily Go
by belikebumblebee
Summary: Being in love is not a piece of cake, and Myka is not doing overly well - which is why Pete and Claudia want to help. Unfortunately, they're not really good at it.
1. Chapter 1

People always say that there is a lowest point, a place so horrible that it can only get better from there on.

They do it to make hard situations look easier:

You are either in a place that's not so bad because there's someone doing worse than you, or you are in a situation that's not so bad because it can't get any worse.

It's simple.

Also, people like to create worst-case-scenarios in order to prepare themselves. They imagine the most awful situation they can think of and try to come up with solutions. They picture how they would react, what he would say, what she would do.

All to make it less scary. Come what may, I have already thought of a solution to a situation worse than this.

That's why they say there is an end to the road of heartache and sorrow.

Another thing people like to do is being dramatic.

I can't live without you.

This would kill me.

I could never survive a thing like that.

When all the silver linings about it getting better don't work, people take self pity in the thought of emotional pain physically taking their lives.

Either way, they say there is this mysterious place called ,rock bottom', which will either physically kill you or bounce you right back into feeling better the next day.

Sadly, people are wrong.

There is no rock bottom.

Whenever you think: This is it, I can't take it anymore, I give up -

it doesn't stop. You can't just cease to exist. Unless you do something about it, naturally, but feeling so miserable that you're too tired to fight it

doesn't mean you're suicidal.

And so you keep breathing. And hurting. And falling.

Because there is always a level beneath the one you're on.

No matter if you think: Okay, that's it, it simply can't get any worse than this -

it can. Just believe me, it can.

And when you've realized all of this, when you have taken it in and accepted it so fully that it numbs you in an exhausting kind of way,

you are embracing depression in its finest hour.

And that is exactly what Myka is doing, sitting outside on the porch, the open book in her hand. She doesn't read, she waits for the wave of nausea to pass and the iron fist of miserableness to ease. Holding a book is also a clear sign for everyone to stay away from her, especially if she does it outside the house were no one has to bother her.

She just wants to sit here, in a long sleeve shirt that is entirely too thin for this time of the year, and feel the cold pinch her skin. The wind gathering up her hair, maybe it will blow right through her and take everything with it.

„Hey, Mykes."

Right. Pete and clear signs have never been good friends. And the thing where he gets vibes and can sometimes tell when she's not doing so well is actually really annoying.

But he's a good man. A good friend. Just trying to look out for her.

Maybe she should say something. ,Hi' back. But the words don't come out, and if she's honest, she's a little scared something else will come out of her mouth if she opens it. And so she just fishes this pathetic little smile out of somewhere and plasters it over her face for him. He doesn't buy it, of course.

„Eight out of ten for effort. What's wrong?"

Well, he isn't her best friend for nothing.

„Fine", she manages to say, the beginning of the sentence swallowed somehow.

„Uh-hum."

He still remains seated next to her, even though he seems to let it go. At least for now.

There's nothing to tell, really.

It isn't even bad.

It's not like her boyfriend bled out under her hands and having been pre-med didn't change anything anymore. Well, that happened, too.

But that's not why she's making herself get a cold and not reading her book.

No, it's much more mundane, much sillier than that: just lovesickness.

It happens. It's just that Myka would much rather it hadn't happened like this.

„They say everyone has weak and soft spots", she suddenly tells him, it was meant as an introduction of some sort, but she got lost again, staring at her hands. The skin is dry from the cold, and stretches over her knuckles when she spreads her fingers. It looks funny. Feels weird, but clean, somehow.

She can feel Pete shift a little, leaning towards her the tiniest of bits. They still don't look at each other, but Myka knows that he's looking for the right thing to say with caution. He's a good friend.

„They do. And it's okay."

Myka wonders what he thinks she's talking about.

Does he tie it back to that time she ran away from the Warehouse, and what happened in Warehouse 2? In a way, it is about what happened in Warehouse 2. Or rather the other way around. What happened in Warehouse 2, and Yellow Stone, and before, and after, it's all about this. Even that she came back. A little.

She had everything under control, has, she has everything under control -

every last little thing but Helena, it seems.

But Pete doesn't know that.

Now he does look at her, waiting for her to say something.

They never talk about this anymore, about the time Myka didn't live in the Warehouse, there is nothing more to say. She came back. However, Myka will never forget the look on his face.

,This woman ruins everything'.

Isn't it funny? Because it's right, she does ruin everything. She also makes everything better. It's just like that with her; everything that rushes stops and everything that's supposed to be still proceeds to dash away, making Myka reel and tumble.

Pete's still looking at her, his elbows on his knees and his hands folded. Myka turns and takes him in, there he is. He listens and prods and if she sends him away now, he will go and leave her alone. He's trying to look out for her, and it makes some of it okay.

This is nice, actually. Sitting here with him. As if he slipped into her low-on-oxygen bubble of waiting for it to pass. It feels. She feels it.

She offers him a smile and he takes it. It doesn't matter anymore, what happened Yellow Stone. And afterwards. Helena has proven herself willing to sacrifice herself for the Warehouse thrice since then. Wyoming. The day that never happened. The disease.

Myka recalls what Helena wore on every occasion she has ever met her - photographic memory will do that to you. She remembers the way her ivory hands crept out of her black sleeves as she folded her arms in front of her chest. The day after the disease was banned and the astrolabe destroyed.

She remembers her reaching up to her hair, her hair, her hair. This hair. The talk after Dickinson's funeral. It's so silly how it bitterly yanks at her heart strings.

Like thinking about home.

„Just - Look, I'm here, I'm your partner, right? I can fight stuff other than artifacts with you. If you want me to."

Sweet, sweet Pete. He would be so much safer. Myka rests her head on his shoulder and suddenly it all escapes her, she's trying to chase after it, take it back -

but, of course, it doesn't work. It's like every last sip of water she's had in the past three days just decided to leave her body through her lacrymal sacks.

She doesn't move, sob or weep. It just flows out of her and she lets it go.

It's not so bad. It's just tiring.

They said it could have happened to anyone, but it happened to her, and besides -

they didn't understand anything. She didn't understand anything. There had been things between them, and then Yellow Stone happened, and Myka had thought she'd imagined it all. But Helena came to visit her and deranged her, like she does.

And Myka knows that Helena drinks her tea with milk, which is a little weird, and she died (for her?) and Myka can't remember. Shouldn't she remember that?

She knows her. She saw her. She sees her.

Falls victim to her everything over and over. Cutting herself badly because everything about her is sharp and clear, her face, voice, the way she talks, so very british.

Isn't it messed up, how she she's so obvious and explicit and right there in one moment and blurry, mysterious and gone the next?

Myka doesn't pity herself. It happens. People fall in love.

She just wishes it wasn't so inconsistent, she wishes it was a non-changing condition that she could wait for to subside, but it doesn't work that way.

„Everyone has chinks and soft spots", Myka finally says again, wiping at her face.

Nothing is that easy. Especially not love. Or heartache.

Myka is Myka and Helena is Helena, they have lost and been through the worst and survived, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Because Helena is also still gone. And Myka still in love. It happens.

„Helena just fit into mine like a matching jigsaw piece."

Pete doesn't say anything, he's just there, solid and present and permanent like nothing Helena ever was. Or is ever going to be. And the twisted part is that it just makes Myka miss her more.


	2. Chapter 2

Claudia hits the space key to pause her TV Show when Pete comes in.

And walks out before she can say anything.

„Oh-kay..?"

Eyebrows raised, she waits for him to come in again. Something's up.

And back he comes - he must've been outside because his shoes and jacket are still on, he brings in a fresh breeze of fall. He looks positively shaken, a grim look on his face, his hair a little tousled. Claudia sighs and throws one of her buttercups at him, he catches it out of reflex.

„Eat. Sit down. Talk to me."

For a moment, Pete just looks at her, as if he's still trying to figure out what to do. But then he closes the door and sits down on the edge of her bed, fidgeting with the wrapping of the candy as he eats.

„I don't know, Claud, maybe it's nothing."

Claudia is a little worried by know, and has no idea what the hell he's talking about - which Pete doesn't seem to realize, apparently he's too much in his head to notice that she isn't.

„Well, it sure looks like something."

„It does, doesn't it?" He frowns and chews and thinks.

Opens his mouth, hesitates, closes it. What on earth is going on?

„Dude, you're starting to creep me out. What happened?"

„Myka sort of cried."

Oh boy.

„What? Why? What'd you do?"

„Nothing! She was sitting outside looking like death warmed over, so I went to go check on her, and when I asked, she started talking about how everyone has weaknesses. I told her that it's okay that we do, and she was silent for like ten minutes and suddenly she's crying and talking about H.G.!"

Yeah. That totally explains why Pete looks like he saw Artie naked. Oh, ew.

Claudia sighs.

„And what did you do then?"

„I had no idea what to do, so I shut up and put my arm around her shoulder. H.G. is kind of a thorny topic with her, right? So I just waited for her to continue, but she didn't say anything else, just cleaned herself up and and said thank you and went to her room. Did I do anything wrong? Shit, man..."

„Nah, I think you did okay.", Claudia reassures him absently, unfolding a buttercup.

„What did she say about H.G.?"

„That she was her weakness. No, she said she fit into her soft spots. I don't know. Something like that."

Pete combs his hand through his hair, looking awkward with his jacket still on.

Something tickles in the back of Claudia's head, there is something that...

she narrows her eyes.

„I mean they always had this kind of weird friendship, even after... you know. But why would she cry, that was like, two years ago. It makes me nervous, does she know something we don't know? Did she do something stupid?"

Myka and Helena did always have a special relationship, didn't they? Ever since her first mission as an agent in the field, when Helena saved her life and -

oh. Oh. Claudia facepalms. Of course.

„Pete."

He stops rambling and looks up. It was actually kind of obvious, she just didn't see it because she always understood why Myka liked Helena. H.G. is a freaking genius, after all.

„I think I know why. Just - promise not to freak out?"

She tangles a hand in her hair and waits for him to answer, Pete looks a little alarmed.

„What is it? You don't *really* think she did something, do you? Because that was just me thinking out loud, I don't really-"

„No, moron, I think she likes her."

„Yeah, well, of course she does, but so do you and I don't see you bawling. Or do you think she somehow remembers that day Artie rewound?"

Claudia rolls her eyes. Guys.

„How would she remember something that never happened?"

„Artie remembers."

They're getting off topic.

„I mean that she's in love with her."

Pete doesn't move for a moment, and then he's on his feet.

„No. Absolutely not."

He paces, his hand on his forehead, Claudia can practically see how he goes through everything, thoughts rushing through his head, and finally comes to the same conclusion she did. He stops and stares at her.

„But that's... really damn sad. We haven't heard much from H.G. in the last year."

„Yup. It is. Do you think they -" Claudia tilts her head. „- had a thing or something? I mean, H.G. did kind of mention she's not strictly into guys."

„I don't know. Oh Jeez, I can't decide if I would find that incredibly hot or incredibly disturbing."

Pete sits back down and catches the buttercup Claudia throws at his head.

„*That's* what you're worried about? Focus, caveman. What do we do about Myka? She's obviously heartbroken, or she wouldn't be sniveling all over your jacket. Do you think we should talk to her? Or Helena?"

„Maybe we should just... mind our own business. What if we do something and mess it up even worse?"

Claudia raises her shoulders in unsureness. „Isn't it pretty shitty already?"


	3. Chapter 3

,When you don't have anything clever to say, just try and shut up for a moment', is a suggestion Pete has heard on several occasions from different people.

Okay, not people - women. High school teachers, his sister, his ex-wife.

Although it was mostly meant as scolding at the time, Pete has found out that it's actually legitimate advice when it comes to the ladies.

And so he doesn't mention the afternoon on the porch again, and neither does Myka. But she doesn't really look any better, now that Pete pays close attention to how real her smiles and jokes are - mainly, he concludes, she just got herself under control.

Claudia sees it, too. Pete knows because they're sharing glances over Myka's head, their eyes flicker and find each other whenever their friend says something that seems to have an underlying meaning.

They decided not to do anything until they come up with a clever idea, and until then:

Try and shut up.

Not saying anything turned out to be the best Pete could do in multiple situations he's been in - however, being who he is, following good advice isn't really his thing.

It's not that he doesn't try or anything, on the contrary, he tries a lot and he absolutely intends to do the smart thing, but then it hits him and he decides that it's a dumbass resolution and he should go with his gut.

Also, he's a curious guy, which is why he's staring at Myka, who's pouring over paperwork, and argues with himself.

Claudia is going to kill him if he says anything.

But then again, she was the one who proposed some kind of interfering in the first place, and if they're going to do something about Myka's (now) obvious misery, they have got to know if they're right first. What if they try to do something about the wrong thing? Maybe Myka isn't in love with H.G. and it gets really embarrassing.

He has to find out.

But how? It's not like he could just bluntly ask her if she digs H.G. Wells (as a person, not as a writer). Okay, he could. But even he would think that's stupid.

No, he's got to be subtle about it. He could -

„What is it, Pete?"

Whoops, he forgot to look away. Myka doesn't sound too annoyed with him, but not as light and friendly as she usually does. He probably wouldn't have heard it three weeks ago.

Has it been three weeks since the afternoon on the porch? Give or take a few days.

Pete forces his unfocussed eyes to stare at the desk before him so it looks like he's reading while he's really just too deep in thought.

Maybe he should just ask her what she thinks of Helena, or would that be too obvious? He doesn't want her thinking he's referring to what happened earlier. Not gonna break those boundaries.

He really ought to say something by now, but he doesn't know where to start, and he gets a little overexcited, so he ends up saying „Myka." in a really serious voice.

To which she responds „Pete.", sarcastically mimicking his tone.

Behind her, Claudia turns away from her screen and glares at him. Don't go there, dude...

„Women are attractive."

Myka raises one eyebrow so high it practically disappears in her hair. Claudia pinches the root of her nose in the background.

„You just noticed that now or why are you sharing that valuable information with the class?", Myka teases, but it sounds a little hollow.

„No, I mean, well, kind of. I just thought -" Shit, he's got himself into one fine hot trouble. „ - you're a woman, and - and Claudia and Leena are women. I never thought of it like that. But you're - jeez, sah-mokin'."

Pete starts sweating, and Claudia gestures desperately to cut it the fuck off, and Myka is perfectly oblivious to his hassle but a little weirded out.

„Are you sure you want to continue this line of thought?"

„No", he admits, but continues anyway: „But, I mean, did you notice? That I'm hot? Or Steve? Or, you know - Claudia, for example?"

Claudia has stopped the gesturing and just looks at him. Her face is one big ,Are you. Fucking. Kidding Me.'.

„Pete", Myka has now put her pencil away with care, „have you come into contact with any artifacts without your gloves on lately?"

„Uhm-"

„Yeah, *Pete*", Claudia chimes in, her voice sweet like sugar, „maybe it's better if I check you for something?"

Oh lord. No, he really doesn't want to be alone with Claudia right now.

„Nope, I'm sure that I haven't... come into contact with anything. At all. Have you come into contact with anything, Myka? Or anyone?"

Sweet Jesus, he can't stop...

„Pete, what's going on with you?"

„I really don't know. Sorry. Shutting up now. Or, you know, very much trying to."

Myka gives him a look through narrowed eyes, more than a little suspicious.

„Alright..."

Behind her, Claudia assures him via her hands that he's basically dead.


	4. Chapter 4

The Warehouse gave Myka the possibility to reinvent herself. Leave the impulsive and overemotional woman she used to be behind, let her stay in D.C..

And it worked. It worked just fine. And why wouldn't it? Myka doesn't do things by halves. She has become rational and ,the observant one'. Slowed down a little. Thinks things through first. Decides with her mind, not with her gut. Her gut doesn't do a good job deciding. That's Pete's specialty.

Which is why missing Helena is enraging. It doesn't make any sense, it's not like she had time to get used to Helena enough to miss her.

Yes, they spent a few brief weeks under the same roof, working the same cases together, but that was two motherloving years ago, and Helena has changed since then.

Thankfully.

So no, there's not much to miss, she can count the times she's seen her since Yellow Stone without running out of hands -

but as it turns out, longing doesn't work that way. She misses her all the time.

Not like something that's constantly hurting, like a flesh wound, it's more like a back pain, dull and just barely bad enough to be aware of it nonstop in the back of her head. You can get used to it, but not forget about it.

Myka finds that it wears her out from the inside. Like there's something that keeps rubbing at the same spot until there's a hole in her, and she might just know what that something is, the eternal temptation - the Farnsworth.

She was better at keeping it together when she knew that Helena didn't have any way to communicate (knowing that she doesn't like phones all that much), that stepping by the B&B was all she could do. And she took comfort out of the fact that she was on some secret mission that ended up saving them all.

But after that, Helena got a Farnsworth - even though it was more of a symbolic thing to honor her actions. She doesn't use it, at least not to contact Myka in any way, and that results in Myka, absently staring at her Farnsworth, Myka, sleeping with the Farnsworth next to her bed, Myka, wincing every time someone actually calls her over the damn thing. It feels entirely undignified.

A funny thing the human mind does to prevent this kind of self loathing, is reversing everything. But resenting Helena for it doesn't feel right either.

She's an adult, for crying out loud. She's an adult.

No, she didn't take over her father's bookstore, she doesn't have a perfect, conventional little family like Trace does, she's not even sure that she's got everything figured out. But an adult she is, she makes adult decisions and works an adult job.

With all of which *this* doesn't really work all that well.

Myka moans in frustration and leans her forehead against the window, banging softly with every syllable as she inwardly chants: I. Don't. Need. Her. I. Don't. Need. Her. She's. Just. A. Friend. This. Is. Dumb. Please. Just. Leave. Me. A. Lone.

Of course, it doesn't help anything. There's a knock on the door.

„Come in", Myka calls without much passion; keeping up appearances is a exhausting.

But her objections soften when Claudia pops her head in with a sad face.

„Do you - maybe have a minute for me?"

Her voice is small, and Myka is immediately worried. „Of course, come in. What's wrong?"

Claudia shifts through the gap between frame and door and closes it behind her.

„I... it's a little embarrassing, but I think I could use a girl talk."

She looks heartwarmingly awkward and Myka can't help but smile a little.

„Do you want to sit down or take a walk or something?"

„Uhm - sitting down would be good, I think..."

And so they do; Myka moving into her office chair, Claudia just dropping to the floor with her back against the door.

„Shoot. I'm listening."

„I sort of - fell in love."

Oh. This kind of conversation. Myka guesses she should've suspected this when Claudia said ,girl talk'. It's not really a topic Myka is cut out for at the moment, but alright.

„Sort of?"

Claudia gives a short laugh. „Okay, not sort of. I fell in love."

„I'm suspecting there's a ,but' coming up. Is it... not mutual?"

„No. Yes. I don't know. I haven't really... asked."

„It's not Steve, is it?"

„What? No! God, no. It's Steve. No."

She looks genuinely mortified, and Myka believes her - it's the same look she feels on her face at the thought of having a thing for Pete. Not that there's anything wrong with Pete, on the contrary, but - it's *Pete*.

„Sorry. Go on. You don't know if he likes you back?"

„No." Claudia shoots her a sharp glance she doesn't know how to take.

„I haven't. But I don't know if I should. Tell him, I mean. He's so far away, I rarely ever see him."

Where does Claudia meet boys she rarely ever sees? At her obvious confusion, the girl adds:

„I know him through my brother. I only see him when I visit."

„Oh. Alright. He's older than you, then, I take it?"

Is that excitement she sees sparkling up in her eyes? Jeez, she did *not* need to know that.

„He is. It's another reason why I'm not sure what to do. I mean, we've always had this kind of special friendship ever since I met him, even though my brother wasn't particularly fond of him at all times. Eventually he came around. I think I felt something, between us, I mean, you know?"

Oh wow. That sounds so familiar Myka wants to throw up, and all she can do is nod.

„But then I had to come back, and now I'm just... not sure anymore."

Myka nods again, a little hypnotized with how much she can relate to this feeling. She so didn't wish for Claudia to feel this way, if she could, she would take it away from her.

„And he doesn't call all that often. I guess I just don't know what I want. Do I want to be with him? Do I want to ignore his calls and never see him again? Do I want to keep going as I do? Because I also really don't want to lose what we have, in terms of friendship."

*Outstanding* questions.

If she had an answer to those, her life would be so much simpler.

Myka's fingers feel cold and she's sick to her stomach, but she clears her throat and says: „That's a mean situation you're in, Claud."

Claudia doesn't take her eyes off her for one second, Myka notices as she tries to come up with a good piece of advice. What does *she* want?

„I can't tell you what you want."

„What would you do in my shoes?"

Myka smiles weakly. „Take them off? - Kidding. Maybe you could try to find out if the feelings are mutual through your brother? Or do you want to not include him in this?"

Claudia beams. „No, Myka. This is perfect. Thanks a bunch."

And with that, she's on her feet, giving her a fierce hug, and out the door before Myka can say anything at all.

So this is the disadvantage of being an adult - a talk with a friend can't fix everything like it did when you were a teenager.

It helped a little, to have Pete as an anchor, that day on the porch, but it doesn't make it go away, it doesn't change that the voice in her head when she reads is Helena's now, and it doesn't change that she starts to feel isolated because she doesn't know how to tell anyone.

It's going to go away, sooner or later, she keeps telling herself.

The only problem is that she can't stop thinking about everything that makes Helena real and a person and *her* - and she's not so sure anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

„Oh, so *you* can go talk to her?"

„Not the point, Pete, keep up! She basically told me to find out if Helena feels the same way about her!"

Nothing says doubt and uncomfortableness like Pete's face right now.

„I don't know, I have a bad feeling about this. Something tells me you're way too excited. We can't just mess with their relationship."

„Oh God, you're even more of a wuss than Steve. We're not *messing*, we're *fixing*."

„That's what I said last year, and it with Artie chasing me down with the Warehouse manual. I'm just lucky I work out."

Claudia rolls her eyes so exaggeratedly that it gives Pete a headache just from looking.

„It's not like I'm going to send Helena a love letter and fake Myka's signature. Need I remind you that I *nailed* the Myka talk and you screwed up royally?"

He grimaces at her. „Thee must not remindeth me of that."

„Dude. No." Claudia stares at him in horror and shakes her head judgmentally, „Not your style. However, I'm saying we can't let Myka stay sad like this."

„What are you suggesting?"

Yeah, that's the problem. Claudia sighs and rests her feet on the table. They're in the Pete!Cave and he notices with a little frown that she seems to be feeling pretty at home.

„I don't know yet. But you should've seen her, Pete. She did *not* look okay."

Pete knows. He might not be the deducing, observant, sherlock-holmsy one of them, but he knows Myka.

She's a great woman and she's doing her best - it's not like she's not laughing at his jokes anymore, and she still cracks her own, too, her brilliance is (as far as Pete can tell) still the same, and they still watch TV together after work. And it's not fake, either.

It's just that it seems like there's a weight strapped to her back that makes everything harder, and Pete doesn't like it because it's his Myka, she's supposed to be alright.

With a sigh, Pete lies down on the couch, crosses his arms behind his head.

„Yeah. I'm not thrilled with that, either. But maybe we've already gone too far, Myka would rip our heads off if she knew that you lied to her."

„Oh no no no, Mister, stop right there and don't turn on right. You can *not* give me a guilty conscience now."

„I'm just saying! I mean, even if Helena feels the same way about her, what're we gonna do about it? Tell her to get her british butt back here and make Myka happy again? There is also the slight possibility that we're wrong and she's really in love with Steve! Or, you know, me."

Claudia snorts. „Yeah, right."

„We could make them talk or something. Hug it out."

„Are we still talking about the same people? They don't need any more talking, they're way too good at that. If they talk any more, they're gonna talk themselves out of it."

„Stop saying ,talk', it's making me nervous. So, if we don't want them to talk, then what do we do?"

„We *do* want them to talk, just not about... whatever they usually talk about."

„Literature things.", Pete offers helpfully.

„Right. We want them to talk about their feelings. Without hiding anything and no changing the subject... Maybe we should call Oprah."

They are quiet for a moment, both deep in thought, until Pete suddenly sits up.

„I've got it, Claudia. It's genius. I know the perfect supervisor for their talk."

* * *

„No. I see where you're going with this, and the answer is ,not in a million years *and* over my dead body'. No way-hozay."

Steve pointedly shakes his head, while Claudia moves to the edge of her chair.

„But Steve, don't you see how clever this is?"

„I see that it's loaded with crazy and all kinds of wrong..."

„It's not!"

„It absolutely is! I'm not going to play matchmaker, let alone *supervise* any talk they will ever have." He shudders. Of all the really bad ideas Claudia has come up with during the time they have known each other, this might just be the worst. Ever.

„Why not?"

„Mainly, because it's none of my freaking business. Stop it with the puppy eyes, you know that doesn't work on me."

„Does too."

„Fine, but not this time. Seriously, Claud, I don't wanna get involved in their relationship, and I really don't think you guys should. If Myka's not talking to H.G. about it, there's probably a reason."

„Yeah, the reason that she's stubborn and doesn't know what's good for her."

„And you do? I mean it - you should back off."

Claudia leans back into her chair, clearly frustrated with him and a little disappointed.

„I'm not letting her ruin her life. She should at least try."

„Look. If you wanna... fix them or whatever, that's fine. But I *will* tell you I told you so when you screw up and get busted. Which, by the way, is totally going to happen."

„I'm disappointed in you, Jinksy, I really am."

She gets up dramatically and slides through the door, a wrist at her forehead.

Damn. She hates square one.


	6. Chapter 6

Claudia and Pete, good-hearted and only Myka's best in mind, continue to brainstorm ideas for what they call ,Project Helyka' (giving it a name was Pete's idea, Claudia came up with it). Little do they know that a sad Myka Bering is still Myka Bering.

And she is not easily fooled (for that, she thinks bitterly, it would take H.G. Wells).

The first odd thing she notices is the little girl talk. Claudia doesn't do girl talk, she's even more awkward at stuff like this than herself, and even if she would want to talk to someone, she'd probably try Steve. Or Artie.

Not that Myka can blame her, her advice was really lame.

The next thing she finds off key is the amount of time Claudia and Pete spend sneaking away to the Pete!Cave, sticking their heads together, instead of playing video games and keeping her from learning russian.

She thinks: Those two are definitely up to no good.

There is a dull throbbing in the back of her head that tells her she should find out what it is and keep them from doing it, but it's like she's wading through water with her clothes on - taxing. She'll do it tomorrow. Or the day after that.

Pete and Claudia don't need a babysitter, she tells herself.

And so she ignores their behavior, letting it slide for a week, only to get get sucker punched by realization friday evening at dinner.

„I got a call today", Artie says and reaches for the potatoes Claudia hands him.

„Agent Wells will give us the honor of a visit on sunday. I'll have you know, young lady,", his eyes pierce through his glasses at Claudia, „that as nice as your creativity and inventory spirit is, if you two set anything on fire again, I will personally staple you to your paper work."

But Claudia isn't looking at him. She's sharing a glance with Pete and then giving Myka an alert look, and Pete does, too, and all of a sudden, it makes sense -

they've figured it out. They're worried about her and - realization strikes again - they want to help her. Now as sweet as that is, it is also really horrible and needs to be prevented.

Myka knows the kinds of ideas Pete and Claudia come up with separately, and if the make plans together, it can only mean terror and destruction and

oh boy, she basically told Claudia to find out if Helena likes her.

This is not good.

„Uhm", she utters and pushes her plate away, „I'm not really hungry. Excuse me."

Artie waves her off, and she vanishes to her room, trying to swallow the slight panic welling up. Okay. So Pete and Claudia know. And if Claudia knows, Steve knows too.

Terrific, the only way this is getting more embarrassing and traumatizing is if they talk to Helena before she does - which they are pretty damn likely to try.

„Jesus H. Christ." Myka doesn't usually swear, but this is bad, this is really bad -

why can't those two just mind their own business?

Right. Because they're good friends and want her to be happy and all that crap. God, how pathetic is she that her friends think she can't handle this on her own?

Then again - she has to admit she didn't do a good job handling it, so far.

She didn't handle it at all, actually, she just pushed it away and quarreled with her sad sad fate. But as it turns out now, this is not going to cut it anymore.

She's Myka Bering and this has got to stop.

Facts, she needs facts, starting with...

The whole being in love with H.G. Wells thing.

It's not pretty, it's not romantic and it's definitely not easy, but there is no room for negotiation and no point in denying it. (It's also not the right time to drift off to thoughts about her hands and hair and voice and eyes and brain. The woman is so clever Myka wants to slap herself. Right - no drifting off...)

So far, so good - or not good, because it's a problem.

Myka shakes her head to repress the rising trepidation. Facts.

It's a problem because Helena is always somewhere else.

It's a problem because Helena grew up in the nineteenth century, and yes, she worries about that, because that's a pretty big cultural difference -

the woman she's in love with was bronzed before the discovery of penicillin, for Christ's sake.

It's a problem because Helena is messed up so badly that she almost destroyed the world once, and this alone leads to at least ten other problems that can screw up a relationship -

relationship? Is this even an option? Myka sighs.

It probably is. Because as much as she has avoided the thought, Helena has initiated a lot of the things that fill the air between them, lingering glances, brushing shoulders, leaning in too close. She smells like rainy forest and a hint of motor oil.

So what is the situation here? There is something, whatever it is, and Myka is not sure she wants to see where it leads them, because where Myka has issues, Helena has streaks of insanity.

Sure, she's undoubtedly one of them now, but it doesn't take away who she was, it just changes it. Offering and risking (and giving) her life like she did is not exactly a sign of mental health, and every time Myka recalls how Helena told her to be strong, she feels empty.

At the end of the day it's a question of the lesser evil.

Trial and error or waiting for rock bottom?


	7. Chapter 7

The announcement of Helena's arrival demands, of course, another meeting of Project Helyka's founders. Steve gave Claudia a look before she snuck off to the Pete!Cave, a warning look with a pinch of sassy.

Claudia has elected to ignore him and informs Pete about her latest considerations while she frantically scribbles in her scrapbook (ideas for projects she wants Helena's opinion on - you don't meet the inventor of the time machine on the street, after all).

„We need to move swiftly. She usually gets here in the afternoon, right? So we'll probably have tea, because H.G. loves a good tea", she rolls her eyes and Pete grimaces, „and Artie's going to be all grumpy, they'll have this cryptic little talk about stuff that's related to the regents, yadeyadeyadah-", Claudia takes a deep breath, „and *then* we have to grab her. Or I do, because if we both want to talk to her, it'd be weird."

„Hey", Pete protests, „why you?"

Claudia raises her eyebrows at him. „So you're telling me *you* want to do it?"

He takes the time to picture the situation: H.G. in all her british poshness and him, rocking back and forth on his toes, awkwardly standing in the hallway while he tries to subtly get information out of her. As his gloriously weird conversation with Myka proved, he's not really a pro in that area. His shoulders sink, he can practically feel H.G.'s slightly impatient and superior gaze upon him-

„No, actually, I really don't."

„That's what I thought."

„Right, so - you're gonna lure her away to whatever genius little steam punk thing you're working on right now, and tell her what?", Pete wants to know while he opens the fridge.

„I don't know yet. If I did, we wouldn't have to think about it, Einstein."

He glares at her, but hands her her soda anyway. „First things first: We need to find out how she feels about Myka. And if she doesn't like her back, we'll need to somehow trick her into not hurting her - or just tell her to be careful or something."

Claudia looks at him as if he's insane. „Definitely not telling her, are you crazy? Myka would freak and literally hunt us down with knives! But the thing with several steps is a pretty neat idea. So, if she doesn't like her back - which is highly unlikely - I say we'll just tell Myka. Because if that's the case, it's her decision how to handle that. We're trying to help them move forward, not trying to live her life. What's step two?"

Pete burps. „What we do if she likes her back."

„Dude! Be less disgusting!"

„Sorry." He chuckles; she sighs and looks at the ceiling for divine intervention.

„Okay. So let's say she likes her back. How do we fix them up?"

Pete lifts his shoulders: „We wait 'til they're close enough and ductape them together? Ow! Joking! Jeez!" Claudia has torn a page out of her scrapbook, scrunched it up and thrown it at him.

„Constructive suggestions! We need to - oh, okay, how about this: I just pull this thing with my nonexistent almost-boyfriend again and if she tells me to go for it, it'll be a piece of cake to hand the advice right back to her. I mean, there's the risk of her telling me to let it go, but I doubt it."

„Mh. Might work. What if she does, though? Because maybe she likes Myka, but doesn't want to be with her, because - I mean, it's not like their relationship is easy *without* the whole romantic feelings stuff."

Claudia clearly thinks that he's taking the fun out of it. At least that is what's written all over her face. But she replies:

„Well, then it's best for them if they don't get together. But we only want them to clear the air, right? Then I will ask her if it's not better to tell almost boyfriend about it. Hey, this whole almost-boyfriend idea solves everything!"

Pete scratches his chin, looking unconvinced.

„Not exactly. There is one more problem."

„Which is?"

„How do we ask her if she likes Myka?"

Claudia creaks with severe frustration. „This is horrible! Getting Artie and his father to talk was easier than this!"

„I know, right?!"

„You weren't even there."

„I felt the moment! But hey, I bet she's the jealous type. You could casually drop a comment about Myka getting it on with, I don't know, the delivery guy, and see how she reacts!"

Not optimal. But better than nothing. Claudia shrugs.

„Could work. So we got: Step one - dropping the hint and see if she likes her. Step two - Either telling Myka that she's on her own or starting the almost-boyfriend crap. Step three - Carefully giving her the advice of talking about her feelings?"

„You got it." Pete raises his soda can at her.

Great. Claudia can think of a thousand things that could go wrong with this plan,

but now it's too late to back out.


	8. Chapter 8

The first thing that doesn't go according to plan for team matchmaker is that Helena does not, in fact, arrive for tea time: She comes in the morning and she comes to the Warehouse, completely unaware of all the plotting and precautions that have ranked around her promised visit.

She comes home to the faint scent of apples she at some point started to smell again and will never get tired of noticing: It is the only smell she recognizes, after all.

One of the many things she loves about the Warehouse is that it is so fickle -

it never truly changes. They have kept her house mostly as it was, but after they have driven voyeuristic tourists like cattle through every room they could find, it's not the same anymore.

She has come to terms with that - they thought she was dead and if she were, she reckons she would have wanted the posterity to be granted access to her brilliance (Helena is not a supporter of false modesty).

And yet - her house is not hers anymore, factually every single person she ever knew is dead, and London has changed so much she barely knows her way around.

It is quite alright, however. She asked to be bronzed. And in a way, she feels better now. And some things really have improved, she knows that know: She has spent a lot of time traveling in the last two years, and tried to really look for the things that have gotten better - something Myka advised her to to, actually.

Apart from the gigantic progress science has made, her favourite discoveries are Doctors Beyond Borders, aeroplanes, the fact that crippled people are no longer doomed to die in the gutter and the large number of universities.

The Warehouse is her home, though, the place she comes back to every now and then when she needs to take a break from the tasks she is sent on and getting used to this brave new world.

In the office, Arthur is the first and so far only person she comes across.

„Ah, agent Wells.", he greets in his usual, rather harsh manner, „You're just on time for the inventory of aisle 307."

Helena smiles and translates that as some sort of ,welcome back'; at least he has said that she's picked a good time to step by.

„Hello, Artie. I will get right to it, then, I take it?"

„If you will." He hands her a stack of paper. „The others are down there, too. Except for Steve, he is visiting his mother today - some family thing."

„How nice."

As absurd and ludicrous as it is, her breath gets caught in her throat for a moment -

she hasn't seen her friends in a while, and whereas the very idea of seeing familiar faces is exciting to her at the moment, it is particularly Myka she desires to see and talk to.

Helena takes the files and touches Artie's arm, which is as as close to an embrace as either of them will ever be comfortable with, and descends over the stairs to seek out aisle 307.

* * *

Admittedly, Pete and her have not exactly gotten along in the past, but she thought they were over that. She is a little bothered by the way he exchanges a glance of sheer terror with - Claudia? This is even more unsettling, Helena thinks with a frown, but then they both get up to greet her, as delighted as they usually are, and she forgets about it.

„H.G.!", Claudia cries, „you're early!"

She sets down her chart and comes to pull her in a one armed hug that Helena is happy to return. „I am", she says with a laugh, „Artie made himself very clear when he told me not to make everyone waste an entire day waiting for me."

Pete is close now, too, giving her an affectionate pat on the upper arm.

„Good to see you." She smiles at him and returns the greeting.

And then there is Myka, dear Myka, waiting her turn behind them, with a smile on her face, briefly looking at her feet and then back at her.

She looks like everything Helena finds right in the world. It's true: Myka has bewitched her with all the fierce magic of strong and self-dependent women.

Helena has never lacked company, neither as far as partners go nor in terms of lovers, but meeting someone like Myka was something her own century could not offer.

Men were the people of thought and action in her time, and her road of emancipation and self-sufficiency was a solitary one - a thing she learned to use to her advantage at some point (men were so blindsided by here mere femaleness), but nonetheless lonely.

Myka fascinated her from the very start and still never fails to intrigue her: Her mind not only sharp like a whip but also well and broadly educated, she is finally a woman of her own liking. It's not only her intelligence that draws her in, of course.

Helena deeply admires Myka's ability to forgive without forgetting, her kindness that doesn't immediately cloud her judgment, and her seemingly endless stream of empathy.

She cannot say that she would have met herself with the same mercy and understanding Myka brought to the table.

„Welcome back", she says now, still smiling, her own chart hugged to her chest. Helena considers stepping forward to embrace her like she wants to, but dismisses the thought quickly. Why risk the awkwardness it might cause?

„Thank you, I'm glad to be here.", she replies softly instead, „Pray tell me: Where do I start?"

* * *

Since doing inventory might just be the most boring job there is to do for a Warehouse agent, Helena finds it time and again ridiculous how much it feels like falling into place to indulge in this activity.

Today is no exception. Being under the roof of the Warehouse is as enjoyable as the companionship of a very old friend and the mindless work allows her to listen to Claudia's latest ideas for inventions; they are both refreshing and impressive.

She even comes across a few artifacts she snagged, bagged and tagged herself during her time in Warehouse 12, filling her with an almost inappropriate amount of delight.

Myka is quietly working next to her, and, as Helena notices when she gets a glimpse of her chart, twice as efficient as the rest of them (which, Helena concludes, is partly due to Claudia's and her dawdling and Pete's being Pete).

She catches herself smirking at that. Yes. Terribly fond of Myka.

It is nice to feel at ease again, she didn't even realise how tense she was until now.

And yet - there is something in the air, a slight imbalance in the dynamic of her friends that she detects whenever she addresses Myka or the other way around. At first she wonders whether she has misstepped of some sort, but none of them is acting less friendly towards her in any way.

No, it is the smell of secrets that hangs in the air; however, Helena does not think it her place to question them.

Not long after Helena has come to this decision, Claudia lets her chart sink.

„Five o'clock", she announces, „Tea time! H.G. is here, so this is officially a valid excuse to take a break. Not that we have tea here - well, no drinkable tea, anyways."

Helena is surprised when Myka gives in immediately.

„Yes, we've been working this aisle for hours, let's take a break."

To add to the oddities that have marked this day so far, Myka gives Pete and Claudia a smug grin and a sharp look while she adds: „H.G., are you up for a walk?"

„I would love to join you, darling-"

„Can I come?", Claudia inquires hastily, and Helena is starting to get really curious about what's happening, but Myka cuts her short -

„Oh, Claudia, I think Artie wanted you to fix the - you know, the thing that he asked you to fix? This morning?"

„What thing? I don't think he said anything about-"

„Well, I", Myka interrupts her, „*do* think he did."

And with that, she pulls Helena away.

What the bloody hell is going on here?


	9. Chapter 9

„Myka, I don't mean to be forward, but may I ask what this was all about?"

They are out of eavesdropping distance, and Myka finally lets go of Helena's wrist.

„It's about Claudia and Pete not being able to refrain from meddling in the affairs of others."

„Is everything alright? You sound rather agitated, darling."

Oh yes, Myka is agitated alright. She is upset with herself for having dwelled on her misery for so long, upset with Claudia and Pete for sticking their noses into things that don't concern them and even more for having all the right intentions so she can't be truly angry with them, and upset with Helena for - well, for being the reason for all of this in the first place.

Even though that's not exactly fair.

„Claudia would like to talk to you about something, I am sure, and it will probably include one or two of what she would call ,white lies'. But I would rather she didn't."

„Why not?", Helena asks carefully, confusion plain on her face.

„Because", Myka feels her nerves buzz in her fingertips, „I want to talk to you about it."

„About what? I don't quite follow."

She takes a deep breath and looks up, facing Helena as she tells her:

„I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned."

* * *

Helena hears herself say „What does that mean?", but she knows, of course she knows.

She's just playing for time. Her pulse thunders in her ears as a result of forgetting to breathe, too little oxygen in her brain keeps her from properly processing the sudden change of events.

„It means", Myka clears her throat and her face is metallic; smooth and blank and cool,

„it means that I fell in love with you."

Helena feels completely beside herself. Something inside swells, stirs, rises-

„Myka-"

„I fell in love with you and that's why I need you to stop."

There's too little air, and Helena does not at all understand what Myka is *talking* about, and with exasperation she inquires „Stop - *what*?", but it scares her.

This conversation is not going in a direction she likes, and she's grasping for something that make's sense of all of this, but Myka's face is incensed now and she feels herself getting more and more defensive.

„Starting something you can't finish, for example-"

„Would you please elaborate, Myka, because I really don't-"

„-you're making advances and then you retreat back into your shell!"

„You're being entirely unreasonable-"

„Oh, unreasonable, am I now?"

„-what are you talking about?!"

„Do you really need me to spell it out for you?"

„Please, do proceed.", Helena returns promptly, but oh, doesn't she wish she hadn't said that -

„I am talking about - glances and late night discussions, and you, being in my room, we've had plenty of encrypted conversations filled with meaning and meaning" - Myka catches her breath and Helena just wants her to shut up, shut up - „nothing at the same time because we don't actually *say* anything, do we, and you know what? You know what, Helena, it would be enough for me, if you didn't..."

She half turns around, as if looking for the words she has suddenly run out of, and trying to hold onto something, claws at her hair.

„It has got to stop. Because you leave and I stay here, returning everything to its place after you dislodged it, practically just waiting for you to come back and derange me all over again."

Myka's voice is softer now, she sounds weary and frighteningly done.

Helena wants to say something but cannot hear her own thoughts over her rushed thinking, and Myka turns around to leave her to it.

Helena feels sick. She wants so badly to go back to the start and try this day again.

* * *

_Boy, that escalated quickly. Sorry for the angst, but the story isn't named "How Can You So Easily Go" for nothing..._

_actually, I have no idea what I'm doing, but you guys seem to like it a bit, and thus I shall continue! _


	10. Chapter 10

The look on Myka's face when she comes back without H.G. is fathomless. She is white like bone, a determination in her eyes that usually only comes out when there's a gun in her hand.

Crap, this isn't good. Pete is up and hurrying towards her immediately, but she waves him off:

„Not now, Pete. Please."

„Mykes-"

„Pete, I mean it."

He can't quite shake the feeling that they really *did* talk about their feelings, after all, and it obviously didn't go over so well.

„I'm just a little worried, over here."

Myka, who has been storming off with him at her heels, whirls around.

„I know, Pete. And as sweet as that is - you've done enough already."

That shuts him up, he recoils as if he had bumped into an invisible wall, and Myka disappears in the deep of the Warehouse.

Something has gone incredibly wrong, and Pete doesn't know what it is, but it has left Myka stern and way too passive aggressive for his taste.

Shit, she knows that they were trying to help her, and they - wait, they didn't do anything yet, why is she upset with *him*?

„Pete? What's going on?", Claudia has come back from her call with Steve, tossing her phone in her bag. Pete turns around and shrugs.

„Honestly? I have no idea. Myka just rushed by and only told me that we ,have helped enough'."

„Oh."

Claudia stares into space, chewing absently on her cheek.

„Oh? I don't know what happened between those two, but I am done trying to fix them up. Even if we *would* succeed, they'd break everything off a week later. Seriously, it's like nothing good ever comes from H.G. Wells..."

„Woah", Claudia responds quickly, „hold your horses, fella! How do you know Myka didn't screw up?"

„I don't. It's just usually H.G. who makes a mess of things."

„Uh-huh, you're right, that's probably why she *saved* *the world* when we were busy dying of englisch schwitzing disease."

Pete groans, kicking his chair away.

„Alright, okay? I know it's not her fault. I'm just sick of Myka moping around. I mean, I didn't understand what was going on, that afternoon on the porch, because for some reason, the woman can't just *tell* me she's in love, but she was down, Claud. She was down hard. And now she's angry. What happened in between?"

Rubbing her temples, Claudia sighs. „I don't know. But I'm guessing she just - unleashed the beast and left. She sometimes does that, gets in your face, gives you a speech and then walks out to let you *think about it*. You know?"

„Yep. She does it all the time when she's upset with someone - one time, she even did it to Artie, and it was magical. Anyway. Where do you think H.G. is now?"

„I don't know. I just hope she doesn't beat it again."

„Me too, because that would mean we have to do rest of this aisle alone..."

Claudia whacks him in the back of his head with her flat hand.

„No, moron, I hope she doesn't scram because it would be a really stupid thing to do in this situation. I mean, how long has she known Myka?"

Pete rubs his head. „Dude, why do you always hit me? It's mean! I can't hit you back, you're a girl!"

Behind the shelves, something moves. Claudia lets her shoulders sink in relief, peeking through the space and holding her breath until she thinks it save to snicker and clap her hands.

„Check this, Bro", she says and holds her fist out. Pete bums it with his own, confused:

„Why? What are we fist bumping over?"

She laughs at him. „Seriously? You didn't notice?"

„How many times do I have to tell you people? *Myka* - the one that notices things, *Pete* - the one with the vibes, the sixpack and the ability to eat his weight in bacon. Spill! What is it?"

„Helena was listening behind that shelf the entire time. We totally just told her to go turn this horse around. Which means that we helped them - but without doing it against Myka's wishes. Smart of me, huh?"

„Very. But can I ask you a question?"

„Sure. As long as it's not about how lesbian sex works."

„No, why would I ask that? I know perfectly well how that works, I'm a guy, what do you think we watch porn for? It's education, I've been explaining that all my life-"

Claudia rolls her eyes. „Your question, big pimp?"

„Does that mean we still have to work this aisle?"


	11. Chapter 11

_So, this is it! The last chapter. I hope you like it more than I do. :)_

* * *

Helena doesn't leave. But she doesn't react the way Myka sort of expected her to, either.

Hands joined behind her back, she steps into her room at the B&B without knocking, and

her voice is calm when she tells her:

„I am rather disappointed that you didn't voice your concerns earlier."

Myka turns around. „When, H.G.? When should I have told you?"

„Oh, are you honestly telling me that all this has build up just recently? I am truly sorry that I have caused you distress, but that is nonsense!" Helena closes the door and tears at her hair like she does when she's upset.

„You told me once that the Warehouse is the only thing you have left, but then *why* are you never here?"

„Because I have mischief to make up for, Myka, you know that very well!"

„Well then *maybe* you shouldn't have tried to deep freeze the earth!", snaps Myka, fully aware of how childish she must sound.

„No! I shouldn't have! But I can't change it anymore, and so all I can do is do what I am asked to do and-"

„-offer to kill yourself every chance you get?"

Helena is startled, indignant: „What? No! Why would you even say that?"

„Because you do, you try to channel all your guilt for - for what happened in Yellow Stone and with this agent you got killed and probably for your daughters death as well-"

„How dare you bring up Christina, you have no right to-"

Helena takes a step towards Myka, who is angrily gesturing while she speaks.

„Actually, I do! I have had the right to talk about this ever since you betrayed my trust because of it, and I refuse to tiptoe around it any longer. I have every right to bring this up, and you need to face your grief, because if you don't, you obviously end up punishing either others or yourself!"

„Thank you very much for your valuable advise, Myka. I find it very funny that you, of all people, should talk to me about facing one's inner demons."

Myka gasps and crosses her arms over her chest, „What is that supposed to mean?!"

„Only that you turn your back and run when you feel out of your depth in controlling the situation!"

Enraged, Myka leans forward. „If this about me going back to Colorado after-"

„It is not, actually, but isn't it interesting that you would think of that?"

„Then what are you saying?"

„I am saying that if you had cared to stay and listen to my respond this morning, you would know that I have quite much affection for you as well and that I did not seek to-"

„Helena, you just-", Myka starts, but H.G. growls „Oh, will you shut up!" and suddenly they're kissing, furiously, crashing into each other in thundering collision. Blood whooshes in their ears and their lungs are screeching for oxygen, but they can't hear, or see, or stop - Myka doesn't know who started it but it doesn't matter because her fingertips whir with the feeling of Helena's hair beneath them, and she claws and holds on for dear life.


End file.
